stop.

 do i really want this way? am i deserve to be a doctor?

why does this feels so not right. is this the right path for me? 
how do i know?

happy?

hello again,

i know nobody really read my blog so i'm not sure for saying hello to anyone here. but if you read this, the only question is.. are you happy? like real happy.

guess i'm not. i'm just being calm, all the way that possible to be.

i tried to create the moment and force people to be around me and pick the wrong way. i can't relate to anybody. i want to be around people when i'm alone, but when i'm around, i think it's better just to stay alone. something is wrong, that's all i know.

at this moment, i don't remember when the last time i have the purest smile and laugh and being happy for real. always make it like it is real, but is it? 

thinking for my daydreaming as it will ever become true. it wasn't me. it's all just pretending so you'll see that i deserve this.

so are you happy? what it's like?

may i even touch it?

ages.

only if i knew, being adult is really difficult. having majority and more times to live in will be very hard for me. i wish i will always be a kid.

and i go back to my childhood, i was a shy girl who doesn't really speak much. hiding from everything, and never confront what's in my head. it wasn't really good for me too.

this whole progress just to create me become somebody.

i really don't know which part that i want to stay. but the reality, today is needed to be done.

i'm too scared for the future. i don't want to see anyone or anything. 

maybe or for sure, i'm not worth to be with anybody. i can't take or even give anything. where's my angel?

i'm getting old, by the times won't stop.