'till the rest of my life

'till the rest of my life,
thankyou.

i remember when i was in depressed, i was so frustasted about something which i don't need to had been. i remember when every single words i said to a stranger seems like i told every in my mind and heart without considering. i remember when i lost in a depressing thinking alone all the matters. i remember when i thought no one would care even know what i am doing in this small room. when you even somebody inside the large room outside had no idea what i was doing. that was so embarassing?

i remember when every time i was thinking about something and fixed it all. i remember when i couldn't find a way out. i remember when i prefer believe a stranger rather the one live in the same house with me. and also i was so unconsidering, insane , psycho. nope.

but one day i just thought i can find the way out.
scream them all, shout it all.
say it, give it and share it.
i know what i want but not what i need.

then i realize, i need to show to see what i exactly need for life.

thank you age.
maturity helped me so well.

and here, i'm saying thankyou to whoever stranger helped me so well in that maturity.
i've grown it well, 'till the rest of my life........

whatever it takes

Once, it started when nobody around when i was checking out all of the fields and also i thought life is ended another life. it has its soul. one day, i was so confused about what i am saying. like whatever it takes. i am just saying. anything...

try to refresh something called weirdo, strange or you know a life that you never wish. in fact this is what you exactly need to be live with. so what else?

no more writting, no more thinking, no words no phrases.
i've been changed every single alphabet in my mind. and life is gonna show the new world.
welcome. welcome. welcome.
i'm on your waiting list......

right?

19/11/2014

nowdays, people have changed being jerk.

dear my climax smile

i lose my words
i lose my melody
i lose my voice
i lose my smile
i lose my way

here i am.

silencely, likely got nothing.
no cheer up
stop the act
stop the drama
everything just fiction
it is over

i am not broken
just keep silent and keep silent.
i am stopping my way, the way which i used to do.

now here,
i hate to be around
i hate to say my opinion
i hate to say my feeling
i hate something complex
i hate to walk around a lot people
i hate to try to always understanding people
i hate to hear people's opinion
i hate to follow what people want
i hate to be ruled
i hate to be in this drama

let me feel what is free
let me know what i am feeling
let me try to seek this all
let me see how really myself
let me get what i've got

do not stop me
do not let me down
do not hold me
do not stay with me
do not talk to me
do not try to understand me, coz you never will

let me breath, freely
let me believe again in that magical
let me hold what i have got
let me go with all of my wishes
let me show what i need to show
let me see the cold under the fire
let me choose what is gonna be my life's choice

burry me
kick me
send me
whatever, but do not give me any preassure anymore

i love to be alone
i love to make some imagination
i love to lock myself alone
i love to stay not around people
i love to keep silent
i love to not make some interact
i love to just living for my own self only
i love to not thinking about them anymore
i love to surivive alone
i love to forget all the moment
i love to hate people's mind

i am not that psycho
i am not that psychology
i am not that psyciatry
i am not crazy even insane
i am not what is on your opinion

i am obviously different
and no one from this world know how is it, why is it, what is it
because i've got a million characteristic

i could be your luck
i could be your damnshitthing
i also could cheer you up
i could grow your angriness
i could be whoever

but here i am
the real one

i have so many things to hate
i've got nothing to love

i can't talk
i can't hear you
i can't think even taste

i can't laugh
i can't smile
i even can not sing anymore

i even feel nothing
everything lost

goodbye my pretend self

sincerely,

my demon

hey, LIFE

DEAR LIFE,
i am not gonna shake you out. or let you die uselessly.
i have a faith that i can lead you to the right side.
so come and watch me flying with these bullshit.
come and see me watching you bleeding.

hey, life how are you there?
i am so well here and really good to breath
like nobody around take my oxygen
like i own this road
i own this champ

hey, life why are you crying
what are you crying for
don't we really reach this gate
we open the door to the place where we can seek it out

hey, life let's see what is going on
from the past behind untill the death when we cannot breath

life, do you know a secret?
you are not immortal.
but you are too great to be lived forever.

thankyou,
for attention

18/08/2014

when all the things just so fake you do not know how to reach this. you've just been left behind. no one stay. when you need all of the raise, but you just come and go with the fall how is it feeling?
when people ask you how are you, you are just keep quiet and stay all along
not interested to be true. saying all you want to.

when people just walking around you.
when people were staring at you for no reason.
when you are just keep talking about nothing.
that is when you and the other one know that there is no magic.

miracle or even hope.

i even do not know what i am saying but there's a mean inside here.
that i am all alone.
i am all alone to face those to be true.

left me behind, then i'll know who is really true to keep staying.

22:06 01/05/2014

Dear MY SMILE,

OR Dear Life which I never asked for, well but i thanked god for this. yes. this.

everything's just fake. no, i'm not gonna be trapped. well, it's hard to tell about what is going on with the real one. but, fyi everything's just fake. nothing real in any side of life. the one and only real is "nothing".

even if you believe in heart, it's still lie. every lie has its lie.

well let me tell you about this fake or fact or just call it fvck.
fake fact fvck has no much different in every sounds. well.

the point is, fuck everything. nope.
fake everything.
if you can prove something real, come to me then prove it.
there is no the REAL.

maybe i'm not really living now. or maybe i never think or even feel. i don't know.
HOW DO I KNOW? right?

well, just come and see those stars, and one that moon. you know what?
maybe you can say you are in one population. so crowded. near everyone.
THAT'S ALL JUST FAKE.
in fact, you're all alone. yes.

you have no body
even parents, just people who take you here. to world. they're just people who take you on this earth and make you knowing everything's just fake. eventually, they will leave you. ALONE.

or, they will let you keep safed with them? let it be.
LET YOURSELF FEEL HOW TO BE ALONE.

because that is the real LIFE.

you're dead, if you CAN'T stand ALONE.

THE POINT IS, FAKE IS TRUE FUCK IN FACT OF LIFE