here we go again

 here we go again, 

i know i can figure it out everything to me, and i know by writting things it will make everything be better. and i know before i read, this can heal me.

i feel too deep into what i am feeling and fall far for it, the way i overcome those are by listening to other so my mind will stop talking. but it made me miserable and overwhelmed sometimes, i need to be heard too. so, i let myself to talk more but nobody really listening so back again to mind that just can't stop talking. 

i thought i have healed, but what can i say. i hate rejection. 

the scariest thing for me is to be left, after to be ignored. we all hate it, but seriously, i can't handle it.

i really don't know what will i do with this life. i don't know how is future. and i don't even know what i wanna do. the same routine everyday is so tiring. sometimes, it felt like i just want to stop. from anything.

i hate the kind of feeling to be depend to other one, it feels so exhausting. and i hate me, even more. more than i hate the other one for having this kind of feeling.

hi, i am so complicated which i know i keep typing things meaningless, but this is what my mind told me and it wont stop. i need someone to help me to figure this out. to help me to stop minding everythings. to stop talking. to be quiet. i actually really tired and want to just sleep, but mind wont stop working. do i need to go to psychiatrist?

oh please, oh please.

why do we have to live in the first day. why do we have to live on earth. why do this happening to me. why nobody listens, i think i do really need to write this. but still, i need to speak loud to be heard. 

i thought i have found what i've been searching for this whole time, however it doesn't my home. i am not at home yet.

maybe i need to go to volunteer, or you know just leave for out of the box.

2023

so it's another day of another adding ages.

a lot of things happen and that was great, it was really great :) so fking amazing.
well, i didn't wrote any lyrics yet. i have finally in the moment where i always imagine and this is great.
i think this is what i want and what i need. and just fine. everything.

i always wrote a letter, a year before. i think what i used to wrote last year and what i hoped to had today, i have had it all. even less or more, thankgod for this life. 

all the tears, blood and sweat i've had to this day and every random things and every overthinking i've had every cry every laugh every smile every expectation which i don't do anymore, those are made me to be here. and those could be the best lesson for me untill today. 

time flies so fast, and things happen and come right in the fking right time. we just have to wait patiently. things will come eventually when you are surely ready for things. and maybe i am almost ready now. and we will finally realize that what is the most important thing in life.

only if i die at the end of the day, maybe some day or how do i know?

dear tasia,
i'd love to hear and see you more with smile on your face, but if you want to cry sometimes just let it all go, let the heart show what you really want to do. we will always getting older and it can not be stopped. we will hear something good and bad or just nothing. we will not go down. we'll always be love whatever we want to be and whatever our decission will be. 

we love you the most even tho you have no idea what love is.

happy birthday for 26th times, i hope life will be more and more grateful than the day before. and will always be. i hope we will be very blissful and wise.

love,
myself

stranger.

hai,

hello there,
how are you there?
i thought i am just fine here, maybe too fine or try to just be fine without any other self of me out there. this is too strange for me and all the force all the progress i am not used with this.

is this the right decission or not? how do i know.

💛

💛💛 

hello again,

it's me again, everything is sooooo fine. 
too fine to be true, too good to be reality. i know what is wrong and what is right. 
just doing what i need to do for the rest for life and accept it.

anyone and anything will lead me to the end of this chapter.
guess the new chapter is about to beginning.

see? starting again isn't really bad. 
so welcome.

nothing to say anymore. 

just okay.

:)