not again

 hello again,

so i'm here again, means that i have no where to go again. i'm just exhausted. 

i always say to myself that i am done to be the energy for everyone, i need the charges too. meanwhile, inner me need to explore what is happiness without be positive for everything. well, that is not me. i was just hold everything, so everybody see that i'm good enough, and i have nothing to be upset. 

this whole feeling, 

i was just curious how can people just being so easily to share the negativity aura to another. how can they. i'm fucking sick with this playing faking life and anything. i have no tears left anymore. so, the sweat and the blood which still inside. till the last drop of my blood, i will just stay be me. 

i was literally done listening to everyone, but i just don't know how to done to fake the feeling. i even fake my feeling like i have no interest to anyone. i hide it perfectly. 

nobody even care as much as i care my friend. i just don't know how to stop give attention and caring other people. but i never get any cared as much as i ever gave. actually, i was always being sincere for everything that i did to everyone. i always done everything wholeheartedly, i was done everything with my heart. but nobody ever done that to me.

whenever it's my time to come, people just do it as formally. 

or, i was just too focus giving to only wrong people. well, yes. right. right. 

i wish i can do the goodbye to you guys, i don't know. but why did it always like i force you to be around, the people i thought are the best people in my life, they actually don't give a fuck about me. guess, i need to stop. and i promise, this year will be the last. i won't play hard anymore, not again.