enjoy

as long as i enjoy my life, i’m glad. 

thank god.

even for the hard and easy life.

i still enjoy it, ‘till today.

but still, not satisfied enough.

no matter what, i will always be me. 

aal izz well.

Patience.

Being patience is the hardest thing in world, i guess.

Patience.
It is an adjective. An adjective that would kill you slowly. This kind of adjective is very torturing.
Somehow, some people believe the patience and more waiting the more worthy the result will be.

OH PLEASE, REALLY???

Well, as a human being i have to admit that i might be one of the impatience person in this universe. I hate waiting, i actually hate pretending to be patience. Even just an act to fake, the fact is.. this feeling is so suck.

Patience.
I know i have to be more, more, more, and still more, more more being patience than today. I know this such a must do thing to do, especially for now. There's nothing that i can do except this kind of adjective subject that we're talking about.

Hey,
Have you ever been in the kind of situation that you already try best, pray best, do best, hope best, and the other best but there is no result?
If NO then lucky you.
But if YES, here's and advice for you..

Just being patience.
Yep.
PATIENCE.

The result will come in the end.

Well, at least that's what i can believe now.

Being patience is not that bad, right?
Maybe you want more postive vibes, and more than what you ever expect.
You want anything else and something else.

You want life changing. You ask lots.
Well, the answer is..

runaway.

hey guys.
i'm planning on my runaway now.
wish me luck.

Deny me.

actually i have nothing to say.
for someone who is thinking a lot. and having lot words, now it's empty.
this stuck moment thing, brings the inner of mine being speechless and uninspired.

the silence night and i know life is not as simple as the plan.
depends on experience, plan never go as you wish.

dear, anyone..
any of shits that i've been through, i wont you to have it. i want a change. i want to keeping forward. i want to realize that it's just it is.

sometimes, silence is the noise. and the noise is the way how to show the silence.

we're all pretending.
anyone have a side that doesn't want to show others.
therefore, we'd like to lie.
i believe that i am in the first step of it.

denial.

so, please..
lend me another rope.

"to hold me close, hold me fast."

i beg you,

tasia 

Stay.

One day when you just found your other side of life and you know it is you. When you found your soulmate, but you know you will never have any chance to touch more than what you can now. And you chose to stay, and let it fly and miss the other chance. You skipped again, the other big chance and when you know maybe this is it. But, you know you don't want a big risk. You already feeling too good to stay. And maybe you just don't realize, it will be way better to take the risk. But still, i was living for only one rule. And i let someone to had it before i expect what will happen. Someone who is lovely and wonderful. I just can't touch more than this. Yeah, i am just staying. And pretend it will be end, at last. I will clear it all and let it stay only as a soulmate. Because, a wise woman said to me "We only have one soulmate, one lover, and one life at once".

And here it is. I am pouring this all from a heart of mine to this very random paper, for truly trying to fading out how's the way i've been feeling.

Thank you, for emotions. And please forgive me, for this.

Someone else,

Myself

SOME.

some are pretty
some are just good
some other time when you realize
some just telling you the lie
some facts might see you inside
some shits kills your inner

in other occasion, some light might be blackout
some of you never try to get in to dermis
some of us know what is it means
some of them keep listening words of empty lyrics

sometimes, we need to cry
out and loud.

sometimes, life is too being out of control
and some of us just keep complaining

sometimes, you've got one thing and thought it will be last forever
but some thought might be wrong

there is always times, when you're entering the whole new level of live
when you feeling deep down depressed and missing.

some might see the meaningless.
wishing suddenly, it will be gone and fade out.

some needs more than just what it is.
calling hope.
and forgiveness.

and last,
bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me..

sincerely,

fragiled me

WKWK

tasia lagi tidak mood. kenapa tasia tidak mood ya Allah. tasia harus mengerjakan apa yang harus tasia kerjakan. tasia tidak boleh begini. tasia lelah dan malas. tasia tidak dapat fokus. tasia harus bagaimana lagi agar tasia bisa rajin. tasia bingung.

ATTENTION

Attention
Maybe for most of people attention is not that important thing to give, share and get. But actually, it is. Everyone needs attention. They need careness, and every thing which related to attention.
Everyone wants to be looked. Even the introvert ones.

Maybe all you have to do just ask someone in the street if they were okay or not. Give full of your attention for people around, as long as you don't need it. Because sometimes, the only thing that someone need to have is the way you care. And how do you listen not speak.

Then, why don't you start to give attention to the closest person to you?
Start from the tiniest thing and let the miracle happen.
Don't just ask for, but try to give..

I don't command you, i suggest you.
And also here, i'm trying to..

Sincerely,

My Other Hands

Insatiate

Dear Anyone Who Might Read This,

Hi! I am Tasia. And this is the whole feeling i've been felt and safe. I was wondering if any expectations could be happen or maybe anything. I think, i looked everything only in one side before, and ignoring. But, some experiences just keep giving me more than what i have asked for.

Right, I am 21 already. So, my life is getting more real than yesterday. Eventually, i breath inside my lungs desperately wanted to exhales more. I need more, i think. But, here i am... having more than anyone else. When i think i need more, i just can not describe what kind of "more" do i need to have. So, i was freezing. 

Maybe, one day i will back and keep ignoring people, back to my nature life. I've been faking my whole destination for 2 months. Couple days ago, it was over. But, i just feel something is missing. And making my mind keep thinking, What Have I Been Doing This Whole Time?

I'm late. 

People keep saying there's no word for "late" in this whole world. But, that's what i'm feeling. I know, it's not my feeling what is we needed for right now. It's not all about me. But, i always want everyone comes and see it's always me. Always everything comes about me, and my self.

I was selfish. Still today, but literally i understand. We should observe from hundreds sides, but still we can't judge. Or maybe, don't ignoring. All you have to do is give your sweetest face with smile on it, and pretend you are okay. Because, you are actually Okay. Even better than anyone else.

So, why would we have to ask more and more? Everything will comes at the end. I've been learning for this 21 years. And i will keep learning for some reasons i had to. Maybe, i'm not so ready today. Maybe, tomorrow i'm still not ready. But, i believe for the time will follow my expectation.

And finally, one day.. I could be totally understood Why Would I Have To Stand On This Beautiful Earth.

 It's Me,

Always..

COOL

my lyfe is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cool.

✌

born again.

so, it's my birthday. just another one fine day, getting older every time's clocking, and guess what... there is nothing to be exciting about. i'm just all doing fine. having this normal life is completely a gift. the gift which god gave me, and let me for having it. i feel too fine, not really being insecure and actually deeply feeling peace inside. i hear those time's clocking which never stop. this will keep happening nonstop.

it feels weird, when i think about it imagine the worse and the best thing that would happen to me. but i feel glad. and thankful...for this pretty normal living. no war, no teror, just having good people around which start to make me cry for no reason...

since i was born again, today, at the same date and time so... what ever happen next i'll let god's plan make it happen with the best way. still, i wish my dreams and all my silly dreams will have a little tiny just a little bit chance to happen, please god :") which i'll let god know in my prays.

so, what's the moral value?

no matter how many people you have met, the only people that won't leave you just your born family and some other family you met. mostly, the one who let you feel love-hate relationship in between.

i feel like want to write a poem now....

i feel happy randomize sad and a little bit confuse but too calm and quite.

birthday might seems one of the happiest moment in life, but when you change the words become getting older...pussshduaarrrzzz it all turn sad, and you just need to face another reality-drama-conflict-lively-hood. 

anyway, it still be happy, because it's a born day which actually your ticket to walk and breath in this damn universe.

i always feel like born again at this date, but guess what... nothing much change.

literally, nothing is change.

at least, i have the reason to be happy once more and again. 

it's good being old, it's another bravest moment when you would finally facing through windows and let the wind come until you're just ready to open the door and walk on the grass...and now....

i must be more ready.

coz i'm literally 21, young and live.

still, 

i still live in a daydream. wake me up, i'm old!!

*starting being panic more, and even more*

Love,

Tasia

Later

maybe later,
yes.. later then i will be satisfied and no more sigh.

cheerio!

once a day, i feel time is growing too fast. again and again, when days are too old or too low.
you know, one day sky will be higher than today, and earth gonna be down below.
look up to the sea you never imagine before. it will be up and down 'till you realize the show.
yes, just a show...

i have the wind that will sweep my wings to fly, but i know only one thing for real.
this show, isn't right for through my walls. i don't even have walls that made of steel.
in fact, i keep trying to deny it like hell, therefore i will steal.
i will steal things that never been mine, things that not into my bill.

but, joke is a joke.
please, just give me a mock.
and let me locked.
because everything, will never be enough even if i have thousand rock.

to set you in pain,
or get into my line.

anyway,
i'm just wasting times...
with all of this rhymes.

cheerio,

me

Betrayal

i like play with the words.. which makes me do not think hard when I'm writing. i can write anything i want and make it like sarcasm but it is not. that's just a complete whole words which i make it once and you read it as a sentence.

you might have no idea what i have been for living, well that was not really bad. it was quite simple but amazingly make this creature just like this. i like everything happened to me, but i never wish those happen.

have you ever imagine that one day you have all these kind of friends and you be like "oh they are my real soul mates" but one day one of them, betrayed you.

yeah, that's happening everyday to everyone. 

betrayal is a common thing, but can we just forgive that betrayal thing? 

let's think about it.

have you ever betray someone? or been betrayed?